It was a psychiatrist that conspired with my controller when he prescribed EMSAM circa 2008. Within the first week, I went to 165lbs to 115. In the following weeks, I transformed into a golem like character. Scars all over my face and body, 5 day stretches of zero sleep and zero food and hardly any hydration to speak of. This went on for four goddamn years. Living in the house of my family, along side my narcissist controller. I even spent a week in the “looney bin” because of the effect on the drug. Guess who was the in house psychiatrist? The very same that prescribed me the drug. You’d think he’d see my appearance and decide to take me off of the drug immediately, which converts into methamphetamine metabolites in vitro, an interesting tid bit I dare say. I literally looked like the worst of the worst Faces of Meth mug shots, tho I’ve never used meth. The irony was brutal The thought of what I looked like never passed through my mind during the 4 years I was on EMSAM. It completely removed my depression for which I was prescribed the drug in the 7th place after many years of many SSRIs and SNRIs. it’s hard to feel anything let alone depression when you’re losing your mind and total sense of self including a state of absolute zero love that was supposed to be there for me. The family I so dearly loved were witnesses to all of this, and did nothing to stop it after seeing me drop to 115 in a weeks time. This is just a small but darkest time of my life full of sorrow and suffering. If I had a choice, I’d rather have been born into a poverty stricken country. Free from the medical lunatics that pervade every aspect of post modern American society. Losing oneself at the hands of a “Do no harm” hypocritic oath taker flying monkey of a narcissist of the highest order just doesn’t sit well with me. I needed help and hell is what they gave me.

Make no mistake, I have immense gratitude for every experience of my life, especially the difficult ones. These are the signs and symbols I use to put back together my shattered soul. Smoke em if you got em as they say.

What’s really crazy, in fact possibly insane, I just recently started up with another psychiatrist after a decade and a half after that one evil fuck. Why would I be doing this? I wouldn’t if I had any free will. My entire life, especially my emotions, are controlled and dictated by you should know who by now, if that message wasn’t clear enough as is.

My post EMSAM life is nothing but lying in bed all day and night, only getting up to feed myself and piss and shit as needed. Every single passion of mine is gone from my younger days. My motivation and reward system left completely decimated by the EMSAM. The only thing that drives me is the hope of an endless dreamless sleep. This isn’t to say I am at all depressed. Realizing that the so-called depression was manufactured in what I can only assume to be the forges of cruelty and hatred. The very same that produced the narcissistic entity that I can’t help but try and empathize, for that is my primary function from the day I entered this busted ass world. How could they be so cruel? Is the question I ask myself on a daily basis. The love I have to share becomes a heavy burden with every waking and dreaming moment of my existence. If I could understand why someone so dear to me, would do such things to me, the puzzle that is my life would be complete. Perhaps my next life I would be born a narcissist of the same highest order. Full empathetic deconstruction.

But I digress, I am at a loss for words to accurately and appropriately respond to your recommendation. I understand the need to tell people like me such things, for it is programmed into the societal American society at both ends. Your response is quite typical and should be expected but I don’t expect anything when my thoughts come pouring out. It is the release that I’m focused on, but I’d be lying if I’d say some responses to my shares reopen my spiritual wounds for a moment or two, a day or two at the most extreme. This is nothing I can’t handle but it sure as shit doesn’t feel to great.

All I can offer is warnings at this juncture. If it happened to me, then others like me are out there and it is my instinctual duty to assist in preventing more potential unwarranted suffering.

To end this “rant” on a seemingly lighter yet unbelievable note. A few years back, I noticed that the drug EMSAM was removed from my medical history. Wtf was I? An unknowing participant in a secret human drug testing experiment? Clearly, any kind credibility is of my experience isn’t great for the medical lunatics in charge of the “scientific” experiment. That’s the only explanation I can come up with.

I am rooted in truth.

As well as other other units of time such as moments.

I can’t help but think the DDT ban was done with dilberate intent to introduce newer far more toxic pesticides into the plant and farming eco system. In turn generating massive increases in the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

“DDT yeah you know me” - Rage Against the Machine

On a side note, the tobacco plant is a natural insecticide. Imagine growing numerous food crops along side tobacco plants. Sounds like a nice alternative.

I like how they say the document “isn’t perfect”. As if to say the Pope is supposed to be perfect like Christ himself.

Z I’m not sure but some say Whiteclaw is the new Zima.

This bullshit reminds me of the Iranian official tweeting that they have no desire to attack the American people. Shortly after he was killed in an Israeli strike.

Loved bazooka gum. Wrapped in a comic strip.

My favorite was probably Big Chew.

Have you tried the niccorette gum? I was able to quit in month using the gum. In the end I stopped chewing the gum without even thinking about it. I didn’t switch to vaping either.

Imo it’s gotta be the brand name gum, I tried the Amazon off brand and it had zero flavor. With the niccorette gum there was a slight burning sensation when first biting into it, and it had the standard artificial sweetener taste that most gum has (aspartame). Not the same with the Amazon’s.

Tonight, Tonight

“Time, is never time at all, you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth”

A vast chasam exists between those that destroy and those that create. Unfortunately, the destroyers, having no limits (moral limits etc) become the “natural” rulers of this world. Ours is an upside down world. The more malevolent and destructive the more powerful these entities become.

They see us as sheep, hence the “Flock” surveillance system. The United States of America has always been an experiment, “The Great Experiment”. Hollywood casts it’s spells of unwarranted pride upon the masses, shepherding us into an all encompassing belief system built upon lies and deceptions. Through the Videodrome, depictions of violence unlocked the viewers mind for the Master Control Program’s invasive programming.

Holy shit

I have quite a lot of experience with DXM. I binged on it for 3 months straight. One or two 8 oz Robitussin syrup bottles per day. The local flea market was selling them for a goddamn nickel each the bastards!

Anyhow, one night I was swimming around in head watching the movie “21 grams”. It’s one of those mixed up puzzle type of movies where all the scenes are out of order. It was very jarring and intense.

After it ended, I went to lay down in my bed. My mind reeling, thinking about what I just watched. Trying to process it. After a minute or so, I started to doze off, in the DXM hazy type of doze. In that very moment, I had this intense sensation of two massive big rigs hitting going Mach 10 crashing into each other at the center of my mind. A psychotic break of some sort. Super crazy shit.

On a lighter note, I had a couple sleep screaming episodes during this DXM binge. I was repeatedly falling asleep and instantly SCREAMING my head off. This according to my roommate laying down in the bed across the room.

“DUDE SHUT UP!!”

Saturn 🪐 based buttholes. Grok is literally a Saturn symbol.

True story incoming.

A while back I was dealing with a close family member’s horrific psychological attacks. This person is a true born narcissist of the highest order.

It took me 4 decades to realize that my entire life is and has always been controlled by this person. The deceptive tactics used against me are unheard of, believe me, I dare not exaggerate.

Anyhow, as any normal person might do under these extreme circumstances, I began playing out potential future scenarios wherein I might find myself backed into a corner with no way out. I have no access to guns nor would I even have the balls to try and acquire one… So the next best option would be a knife. I would think about the various knife like options I have available, particularly, a bunch of utility knives. Left with me after my dad passed away.

One day, the aforementioned narcissist came for their monthly visit to the apartment they have me isolated in. However this time they brought along a co-conspiritor, another narcissist, in this case a “flying monkey”.

During the visit, they mentioned, in passing, the various utility knives my father had.

I swear on everything that is righteous and benevolent, they were READING MY THOUGHTS REMOTELY. Thus the reason they mentioned the knives, because I was THINKING ABOUT POTENTIALLY USING ONE!! AGAINST THIS VERY PERSON!!

The reason the other person was brought along was them sending me a very clear message. We control you, we are constantly monitoring you including your own thoughts, and that particular thought, is a big no no.

“Don’t fuck with us”

Memeatic Warfare Department sees you

If there’s one thing nicotine is great for it’s handling stress. As long as you have some on hand 😊

It’s called child exploitation, “sextortion” makes it sound like a Cirque du Soleil performance.

I argue that vaping is far far worse than cigarettes given that the ability to “smoke” indoors is much greater.

I recently quit smoking after 6 or so years. I had no choice due to $$ and problems maintaining a state id (super fucking hard if you don’t have a physical address mailbox). I used to walk 3 to sometimes 15 miles a day as long as I had smokes. It was forcing me to get the fuck outside multiple times a day. Chain smoking plus cardio seemed to have a extremely positive effect on my blood pressure, because when I quit smoking, I completely stopped going outside 100%, save it for a minute or two throwing out the trash. My blood pressure SKYROCKETED and remains so ever since I was forced to quit smoking 🚬. Crazy but true.

I had literally zero issues going through the quitting process thanks to the nicotine gum (niccorette branded gum, the Amazon off brand had zero sweetener). It completely killed off the intense cig cravings I would usually get during no smokes periods. After a month and a half, I completely stopped going for the gum without even thinking about it. Done and done.

I’m constantly hearing others switch to vaping to stop smoking. I imagine if I was vaping, my addiction to nicotine would be much worse than with smoking, because the temptation to smoke (vape) would be easier to succumb to if I were able to smoke (vape) indoors. Above all, it is the nicotine that drives the urge to smoke (vape), it changes certain brain receptors and it’s irreversible. It takes many years for the receptors to return to normal after smoking cessation, at least that’s how it was for me the first time I quit smoking around age 21 two decades ago. Back then I quit cold turkey and it took 2 years for the random cig cravings to go away.

Much much better.