I would read that horror story. Imagine unexpectedly facing eternity with The Spanish Inquisition, conquistadors, various other brutal imperialist forces and having it presented to you as a rare honor for a lifetime of Christian service. I imagine it like “The Good Place” except it isn’t a comedy.

This brings me no corn…

Evangelicals after the rapture:

“You know what would make heaven even better… Limp Bizkit”