Miles O'Brien

Nope, not me.

I’d like to think I’m funny though…

Well, I mean I DO technically have a YouTube channel that hasn’t posted since 2017 and only has a few battlefield 3/4 clips on it I wanted to show friends.

Which YouTube guy would I be?

That would be chef’s kiss.

Bonus points if he then tosses them into the sun on live TV.

Fun anecdote: a relative, without a hint of irony, goes on about how they deserve to be there because “they used to live there 2,000 years ago”

Apparently I’m an “asshole”, “woke” and “antisemitic” for bringing up native Americans…

My wife would be freaking out about two minutes after she realized I hadn’t come back inside, I wasn’t answering my phone, and I wasn’t in any of the usual places around the house.

Everyone else? Weeks.

Yeah, but if he can drag two leaders that are purposefully driving their people to war into the sky and toss them around a bit until they agree to sit down and talk until they come to an agreement, he kind of has the responsibility to do it.

And the rest of us get to see idiots get juggled.

I’m so glad the people around me who live nowhere near a field voted to kill field-to-solar projects around here, the factories and warehouses that went up where there used to be lovely views of the hills are much better. All that extra pollution and noise really adds something special to the day.

The sandwich is no longer on the table

Whenever someone asks “well why isn’t there a STRAIGHT pride?” or “what about X lives, don’t they matter?”

Rather than explaining that you can celebrate one thing without pushing another out, I’ve decided to use the tools people like this keep saying I need: the Bible.

Luke 15:4-6 4 Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’

Nowhere does it say “Jesus said the shepherd should abandon that one because ALL sheep matter, and there will be NO celebration of the thing that was lost and has been regained.”

Of course, I’ve been accused of being “a satanic supporter of the antichrist” because I “cherry pick verses that say things I like” Without a hint of irony.

Just a thought experiment, how sink-proof are these things?

If someone were to build a homemade submarine with a drill, how many holes would one have to theoretically drill to make a yatch sink?

But the economy has never been stronger!

Of course it’s held together by billionaires in bunkers trading stocks in companies that no longer exist, and they only have their food storage remaining until they all die, but hey… The economy!

Why not just tattoo a number on their arm?

I’m sure there’s no possibility that subdermal trackers would ever be used in shitty ways.

At least my parents church has the decency to give first time visitors a free 6oz cup of coffee.

I decided a long time ago that if I ever walk in and don’t recognize anyone, and someone thinks I’m a visitor who didn’t grow up there, I’m going to start quoting Bible verses about how selling shit inside the church is wrong and I would be channeling the righteous anger of Jesus himself if I flipped all their tables and whipped them.

Unfortunately despite the fact that I have been there twice in 10 years, people still recognize me.

Look, if you didn’t want people watching you, then why run lines in a public place?

And will you not also be center of attention during the performance said lines are for?

I suppose a birthday is aa good a place as any to test your public speaking…

And then you bolt awake, with adrenaline now surging, only to be staring at your wall and it’s 4am so you definitely won’t be feeling rested when your alarm goes off.

Why not both?

Local city is doing fireworks at 10pm.

I’m too old for this shit, just don’t wake me up.

If you are going to make a principled vote in the name of sending a message, I think it’s only reasonable to be honest about the effects of that decision.

Oh my god I feel this so much.

Did you take a stand and stick to principles? Yes! Congratulations. But if you cannot accept that in doing so, you effectively voted for whatever you felt the majority of votes would go to.

I am related to several people who voted 3rd party, are adamant they did nothing to assist Trump getting elected, but ALSO hold the opinion that congressional members who vote “present” instead of yes or no are cowards hiding behind a “no vote” because they want the majority to win but they don’t want to be on record for it.

What is a 3rd party vote if not “present”?

Lol I say I agree and I get shit on

Clearly you’ve never met someone like my wife.

Well yeah, if you’re trapped in one of our many prisons, you get to look forward to slave labor! Slavery is perfectly legal and constitutional, as per the 13th amendment.